I may lose my mind. I can't think, I can't talk, I can't do anything. My mind is constantly locked on the upcoming surgery. I'm giving up. My hair has roots, my nail polish is chipped, my legs are hairy. I just don't care. As of next week I will be laid up in a hospital bed and locked away for 3 months. I don't know what 3 months recovery will be like. Will I be able to turn over a new leaf and awaken a new healthier Heidi? This is the story I tell in public. I'm going to wake up and appreciate all I've been given. I'm going to live everyday to the fullest now that I've been given a third shot at life. All this sounds good, but can I do it? I'm so tired. I'm so tired of fighting. Everyday I fight to have a positive outlook, to be thankful for life, to just live. Now don't mistake me, I am happy, I am grateful, but some day's I just want to worry about dull things. Sometimes I feel like my health rules my life.
One day I'm going to run away. Spend a month on a deserted island, maybe a year in Nashville, or the rest of my life in a small fishing village in Greece. Maybe I won't be sick, maybe it won't matter, maybe I won't care.
Tomorrow will be 8 days til surgery.
No comments:
Post a Comment